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jeremyk 40, Male, Oklahoma, USA - 4 entries

Feb 2007
12:58 PM EDT

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ciancasaje 34, Male, Canada - 2 entries

Feb 2007
11:02 AM EDT

Here I go again... After months of recovery, I am again hurt... Why? Why does this always happen to me? Is it because I'm a love addict? Is it because I look at things differently? Why is it so wrong for me to love? I give myself into it... I give my heart, my soul... I am sincere... Honest.... Loyal... But what do I get in return? .... Rejection! Oh I hate myself... I know it's not their fault... It's mine... I'm the one who kills myself piece by piece... Every little time I spent for myself gives me nothing but pain... Am I selfish? ... Why would I be? I give everything I could and do all my best for my love....And still I'm the one who's selfish? That's insane! This world is so messed up... Wait... No... I mean I am the one who's messed up! I can't get a hold out of myself... I feel I'm going crazy... I just need someone... Someone who will stay with me... Who will love me the same way I do... But heck! Shame on me... I always screw up!

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4 comment(s) - 10:19 AM - 09/18/2008

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Lululand123 33, Female, Illinois, USA - 10 entries

Feb 2007
10:42 PM EDT

Hey all you bloggers out there!! Id like to inform you that ive had a really crappy day!!! Except my friend slept over! Well the boy that I really like likes one of my best friends! So Im not doing great today but Ill get over it. I would give you a peice of advice. Don't opening like a boy. It will make you day as worse as mine! Luv everyone!

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XxOctoberxX 37, Female, Kansas, USA - 6 entries

Feb 2007
7:29 AM MST

i had a dream about you last night. i feel so alone, hold me. T_T

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storminorma 65, Female, Florida, USA - 34 entries

Feb 2007
6:47 AM EDT

No, what would be the point to that? That constitutes fraud, fraud is another word for lie, and I dislike liars! Who has anything to gain by falsehood, that finds it is worth having to live with a guilty conscience..providing you have one of course.

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SamanthaAlexandra 38, Female, California, USA - 60 entries

Feb 2007
2:46 PM PST

I was stressing crazy mad today. I thought of a boring yellow open field - I felt better. I want to go on a road trip. I know exactly where this open field is and I want to go.

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carots 37, Female, Canada - 81 entries

Feb 2007
6:28 PM EDT

The Hearts Desires

We go about with the same routines every day. Basically repeating the same day each day. We begin to suspect that out lives are planned out, perfectly in order and unchangeable. And yet, a moment in time can change everything. One moment is all it could ever take for our lives to turn completely upside down and in that moment for us to realize that the person that we were trying to be and thought we were isn't what we are. Though we may have been waiting our entire lives for this brief moment of completion we are left somewhat empty at its conclusion. The kiss that we had been yearning and pining for, once gained, becomes a mistake or poor timing and the nostalgia is gone. Instead of a new beginning we are left with sewing up the rips and tears of our already fragmented life. The life we thought we wanted is not possible and not only do we realize that our dream is deadened but all at once we realize that we had no right to dream this dream in the first place. In the process we hurt people, whether unintentionally or otherwise, we change their lives as well. Instead of giving ourselves the thing we always wanted we only end up hurt, scared and alone; even more unsure of ourselves and our place within this world. With one moment full of possibilities and tenderness comes a life time of shame, disillusionment and guilt. Was it worth it? Unfortunatly, yes.

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charlax 71, Male, Arizona, USA - 744 entries

Feb 2007
3:11 AM MST

eye pretend to be a human

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smb 50, Female, Wyoming, USA - 129 entries

Feb 2007
2:12 PM MST

I did end up watching Kerry's boys and Ty stayed the night with Jett! They all had fun!

Sat. I was able to get out by myself (Britni babysat): went and tanned, went to Rec worked out! Had an AWESOME workout! I am super sore today (arms and abs). Then I went to a jewlery party and spend 100.00! So much for the money lectures we've been getting at church! AHG! Then we went to Trevor's 3rd birthday party. It was fun but we were all tired when we came home!

Today (Sunday) we went to church and then came home and ate lunch. Then Jay called and talked me into coming to Sundance to go sledding on Dad's property, It was pretty fun! SO, we had CN meet us in Beulah for dinner. YUMMY steak! The boys were pretty good! :) Now we are staying the night in spearfish with CN, who has a BAD headcold! We missed him!

Have monday off for Presidents Day! Gonna hang out with CN and then head home I guess!

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Journal4Jackson 50, Female, California, USA - 48 entries

Feb 2007
12:50 AM PST

/18/07-Woke up at normal time, freeplayed for 15 minutes. Had breakfast, ate everything well. Got cleaned up and ready for church. Went to church, did well in Sunday School, but did have a small tantrum when it was time to leave and Daddy had to carry him to car. Came home, changed diaper and then went with Daddy to get a hair cut. Did really well, held still and didn't have a fit when it was time to leave. Came home, played with his trains and train track in the living room for about a 1/2 hr (also watched some racecars on TV w/Daddy off and on). Had lunch, ate everything well. Cleaned up, played in living room with Daddy and sister (trains, cars, etc) for about a half hour. Went down for nap, didn't sleep but somewhat rested for about an hour or so. Got up, got changed and went to in-laws for dinner. Did well at their house, played with his train table, cars, etc. Didn't eat much dinner. Kept running in the house so he did have to go in a time out there, but afterwards did better. Came home, cleaned up the living room and got ready for bed. Stories, brushed teeth and in bed at normal time. Fell asleep within 45 minutes. Total TV for day: about an hour and a half. Total time outs for day: 3.Brushed every 3 hours w/o problems.

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